Today I am going to tell you about formal writing! Of course, I write this opening line in jest. When I think about how many times my secondary students have written that exact initial phrase as part of their first line to an essay, a strong Hulk-like desire to rip papers into shreds comes over me. I assure you that I have never actually ripped up a student essay, but I think we can all agree that reading the following sentences turns us all a little Hulk green:

“After you read this, you will agree that…”

“Today I will prove to you that…”

“I am writing about…”

“I think…”

“I feel…”

AGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

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